i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
