I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
