I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
