when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Randomize
