Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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