I wannas sexs uuuuu
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
