im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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