When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
