i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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