"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're a waste of cheezeits
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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