I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
