I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
