He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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