this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
