Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
