tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
