I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
