That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
