no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
