So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
