ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
