look no pants
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize