The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
