like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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