Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
