I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
