I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
