And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
