..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
