I'm jealous of your bromance
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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