Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
