Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
