if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I smell like Dick and happiness
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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