another moral hangover. fuck.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my liver is dry heaving
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
