I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's like heaven, but drunker
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
