remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
