I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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