Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How does it feel to date your dad?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
