One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
