I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
