is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
