At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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