I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
