I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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