Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You took a bar mat shot.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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