I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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