I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
