May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
