is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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