Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
