Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
