I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
