The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
