If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
