If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
