i need an iv and a liver transplant
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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