Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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