So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
