last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
