does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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