i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
