just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
