he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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