FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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