Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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