I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
