I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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