its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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