Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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