Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
