Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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