You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
