So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
