remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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