don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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