Cold hands, warm shart.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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