If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
