I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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