Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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