Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
