I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
