i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
