woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You made out with two different species that night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
