An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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