ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
