Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
