What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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