I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
