I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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