i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
