You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
