No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
