brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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